Animal I've Become
by leena207
Summary: We know what it's like to become a vampire. What about a werewolf?
1. Overly Persistent Idiot Newton

Summary:

Disclaimer: I'm fifteen; I own nothing.

How this thought began: So I'm sitting on the bus, on the way back from cheerleading camp, when I decided to listen to this CD that my sister made me for a trip oversees that I'd taken a few weeks before. I was sitting with one of my friends, and I asked if she wanted to listen with me. She listens to the same type of music, so I told her that Disturbed and Journey were happily burned to the CD. One of my favorite songs by Three Days Grace came on, Animal I've Become (track number six!).

I paused the CD, explaining to her my sisters theory (because this girl is a big Twilight fan too). My sisters theory was that in the movie, Breaking Dawn, they should play this while Bella is burning. I'm like "Holy Cow, that would be perfect!" Then my friend (lets call her Mary) said that she thought she'd read somewhere online that they were using that song for when Jacob was phasing for the first time. You could hardly imagine my reaction (slightly jittery, tons ecstatic, and imagining Taylor Lautner (with his shirt off) phasing into a gigantic reddish brown wolf with intelligent brown eyes). I got some pretty solidly delicious images.

So I'm sitting at my desk, eating some weird stroganoff and drinking Pepsi Max (because it has zero calories, carbs, and sugar) and I'm listening to the song. I started thinking. This would be an awesome song for Sam, right? He was the first one to phase and he had to go through all of the Leah/Emily drama. He hated himself for what he did.

I started the song over. It would be good for Carlisle too.

But as I began listening more closely to the words of the chorus, I thought that it would be more Jacob. Think about it.

Here are the words with people who would be totally worthy of the direct parts of the song (if there isn't any name by it, it generally means that it could be all three of them):

I can't escape this hell

So many times I've tried [Carlisle - because he tried to kill himself a bunch of times at first]

But I'm still caged inside

Somebody get me through this nightmare, I can't control myself [wolves more than vamps because of anger]

(Chorus)

So what if you can see, the darkest side of me [Jacob]

No one will ever change this animal I have become

And if we believe, it's not the real me [Jacob]

Somebody help me change this animal I have become

I can't escape myself

So many times I've lied [none of them]

But there's still rage inside [Sam and Jacob]

Somebody get me through this nightmare, I can't control myself [same as I said before]

Chorus

Somebody help me through this nightmare, I can't control myself

Somebody wake me from this nightmare, I can't escape this hell

Chorus

Jacob won [:

What to do if you've never heard this song: Download it. Borrow Three Days Grace CD from a friend. Do ANYTHING YOU CAN. Because it is crucial to listen too. You'll love it. I promise. Plus, you'll understand other reasons why it's so perfect when you hear the guitar and bass that makes everything perfect.

And so my magical (and hopefully good) story begins..(:

Animal I've Become

1. Overly Persistent Idiot Newton

I was leaning against the car when Bella's old as time truck pulled in. I smiled as I saw her face. I would finally "make a move" (Quil's words, not mine).

"No way!" she shouted, jumping out of the truck. "You're done! I can't believe it! You finished the Rabbit!"

"Just last night," I confirmed. "This is the maiden voyage." She held up her hand, a high five gesture, and I smacked my hand against hers, twisting our fingers together. Pride filled my insides when she didn't pull away. "So do I get to drive tonight?" I asked.

"Definitely," she replied with a grin. After a second, she sighed in disappointment.

"What's wrong?" I asked. She looked up at me.

"I'm giving up, I can't top this one. So you win. You're oldest." I didn't want to sound pushy, or in the least bit excited. So I shrugged.

"Of course I am."

I watched where her eyes took her. To an old Suburban driving around the corner. She snatched her hand away from mine, and I tried, unsuccessfully, to hide my hate filled glare towards the guy in the drivers seat. "I remember this guy," I whispered. "The one who thought you were his girlfriend. Is he still confused?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Some people are hard to discourage," she said. I knew very well that it was pointed towards me as well. I remembered Quil's advice. "Just don't let anyone discourage you man," he'd said. "No matter what she says, you go for it."

"Then again," I told her. "Sometimes persistence pays off."

"Most of the time it's just annoying, though," she replied, turning to face the car. I shook it off mentally.

"Hey, Bella," the guy said as he crossed the street. His eyes glazed over hatefully as he looked at me. I grinned.

"Hey, Mike! Do you remember Jacob Black?" Bella asked.

"Not really," the guy, Mike, said warily. He held out his hand for me to shake it. I grinned wider.

"Old family friend," I introduced. I squeezed his hand as tight as I could, trying to make it unnoticeable by Bella. When I pulled my hand away, Mike flexed his fingers. Way to be unnoticeable.

Bella's house phone rang, and she ran in to answer it. "Stupid freshman," Mike muttered. I glared at him.

"What?"

"Nothing," he grumbled.

"I'm a sophomore," I said before turning to the house to wait for Bella. I smiled when she walked out, wearing a glum expression. I furrowed my eyebrows together in confusion.

"Ang is sick," she told us. "She and Ben aren't coming."

"I guess the flu is making another round," Mike said. I glared at him more. "Austin and Conner were out today, too. Maybe we should do this another time."

Crap. No. That would ruin everything.

"I'm still up for it. But if you'd rather stay behind, Mike-" I prompted him, knowing he would still be in.

"No, I'm coming, I was just thinking of Angela and Ben. Lets go," he interrupted.

"Hey, do you mind if Jacob drives?" Bella asked him. "I told him he could, he just finished his car. He built it from scratch, all by himself." I made a face. She sounded like a mom. Great.

"Fine."

"All right then," I settled. The three of us climbed into my car, although I wasn't proud of the Mike kid even touching the interior, Bella was still there.

"Quil was really pissed that he couldn't come," I began a conversation, to lighten the mood. "He had to miss all those senior girls. Even if their was only one, he'll still be jealous." She grinned at me, shifting towards the window, away from Mike's incredibly babyish face.

"Oh, and my dad said to tell you-"

"Doesn't the radio work in this thing?" Mike asked grumpily.

"Yes, but Bella doesn't like music," I replied, not bothering to hide my annoyance of the obvious. The kid liked her, yet he knew nothing about her. Disgusting. I glanced at Bella and she was looking at me strangely.

"Bella?" Mike asked, like he didn't believe me. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

"He's right," she murmured, still staring at me.

"How can you not like music?" he demanded.

"I don't know," she said. "It just irritates me."

It was quiet for a second, before I remembered what I was telling her before Mike interrupted. "My dad said to tell you hi." It didn't really matter at all, but it was something to talk about. She nodded, smiling.

When we'd arrived, I gave her a ten dollar bill, in which she'd asked what it was for.

"I'm not old enough to get into this one," I said. She laughed. I loved to see her laugh.

"So much for relative ages. Is Billy going to kill me if I sneak you in?" she asked.

"No. I told him you were planning to corrupt my youthful innocence." She giggled.

She and Mike purchased the tickets, and we entered the theater.

I had to admit. Bella was terrible at picking movies. This one was a one of the worse horror films I'd ever seen, and I'd seen quite a few.

I rested my arm on the arm rest, palm facing up. Just like Quil said. I wasn't sure why I kept letting him give me advice, since it was coming from the guy who constantly fought people at school for hitting on football players' girlfriends or something similar.

As soon as I saw the graphics start becoming more and more fake, I began to laugh. I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"What?" Bella whispered.

"Oh, c'mon!" I whispered back. "The blood squirted twenty feet out of that guy. How fake can you get?" I kept laughing. Bella started laughing with me. I was able to glance over to Mike, and I laughed even harder as I noticed his face. He looked like he was going to be sick. Literally. Whoa.

Bella must have been thinking the same thing I was. "Mike, are you okay?" she whispered.

"No," he gasped. "I think I'm sick." He immediately ran out, to what I was assuming was the bathroom. Bella stood up to go after him, I followed her.

"No, stay. I'll make sure he's okay," she whispered to me. I followed her anyway. I couldn't risk my chances with them alone together. "You don't have to come. Get your eight bucks worth of carnage."

"That's okay," I assured her. "You sure can pick them, Bella. This movie really sucks." I peeked into the bathroom, where I could here Mike's gagging over and over.

"Oh, he's in there, all right," I told her. "What a marshmallow. You should hold out for someone with a stronger stomach. Someone who laughs at the gore that makes weaker men vomit." Did I just say that?

"I'll keep my eyes open for someone like that," she watched me out of the corner of her eye as I went to sit at the bench against the wall. I patted the space beside me, for her to sit.

"He sounded like he was going to be in there for a while," I said. She sat down, a sigh escaping her lips. I put my arm around her shoulders "non-chalantly", just the way it happened in the movies. Quil has officially ruined my brain. These movies were like bibles to him, he studied them. It got him girls every once in a while, but he acted like he was such a ladies man. He was to the geekier, younger girls. But those senior girls that he hits on all the time, no way.

"Jake," she groaned, leaning away from me. I kept Quil's advice in my head anyway. ("Don't let anything phase you, keep your cool"). I dropped my arm, grabbing her hand. She kept trying to pull away, so I grabbed her wrist with my other hand.

"Now, just hold on a minute, Bella. Tell me something first." She grimaced at me, and I just smiled.

"What?" she growled.

"You like me, right?" I asked. She sighed, half rolling her eyes, half looking straight ahead. It was an odd expression.

"You know I do."

"Better than that joker puking his guts out in there?" I said, nodding towards the bathroom.

"Yes."

"Better than any of the other guys you know?"

"Better than the girls, too," she sarcastically teased.

"But that's all," I questioned rhetorically. She looked like she was contemplating her answer over in her head a few times.

"Yes."

I grinned at her. "That's okay, you know. As long as you like me the best._ And_ you think I'm good-looking, sort of. I'm prepared to be annoyingly persistent."

"I'm not going to change," she warned, sadness filling her words. I couldn't help it. I had to know, to ask.

"It's still the other one, isn't it?" I hated myself for it. I knew it would hurt her, and when she cringed, I hated myself even more. She nodded. "But don't get mad at me for hanging around, okay? Because I'm not giving up. I've got loads of time."

"You shouldn't waste it on me," she sighed. She shouldn't have said that. I'm not wasting anything with her. I'm only happier when I'm with her.

"It's what I want to do," I whispered sincerely. "As long as you still like to be with me."

"I can't imagine how I could not like being with you."

"I can live with that."

"Just don't expect more." She tried to pull her hand away, but I kept a tight hold.

"This doesn't really bother you, does it?"

"No," she sighed.

"And you don't care what_ he_ thinks," I stated, nudging toward the bathroom.

"I guess not."

"So what's the problem?"

"The problem is that it means something different to me than it does to you," she shot. I smiled.

"Well, that's my problem, isn't it?"

"Fine," she grumbled angrily. "Don't forget it though."

"I won't," I assured her. "The pin's out of the grenade for me, now, eh?" I poked her and she grinned.

I noticed something on one of her hands. A scar. It felt cold.

"That's a funny scar you've got there," I whispered. I pulled her hand up to my face to get a closer look. "How did that happen?" I traced it lightly with my fingers.

"Do you honestly expect me to remember where all my scars come from?" she growled at me.

"It's cold," I said, still tracing it. Lover boy fell out of the bathroom then, sweating everywhere.

"Oh Mike," Bella gasped. I rolled my eyes.

"Do you mind leaving early?" he whispered.

"No, of course not," Bella replied. She snatched her hand from mine and went to help him walk.

"Movie too much for you?" I asked. He glared.

"I didn't actually see any of it, I was nauseated before the lights went down."

"Why didn't you say something?" Bella tsked.

"I was hoping it would pass." Great. Now he was probably going to vomit all over my car-

"Just a sec," I said when they were about to go out the door. I went to the concession stand, looking at the girl there. "Could I have an empty popcorn bucket?"

She glanced at Mike before shoving the bucket at me. "Get him outside, please." I helped Bella with Mike and shoved the bucket in his face.

"Please," I figured I should be nicer, since he wasn't really a harm anymore.

Driving down the familiar road, I rolled down my window, Bella copying. She started shivering and I held in a sigh. "Cold again?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her shoulders.

"Your not?" I shook my head no. "You must have a fever or something." She reached up, brushing her fingers to my forehead.

"Whoa, Jake. You're burning up!" she gasped.

"I feel fine, fit as a fiddle." She touched a freezing hand to my forehead again. "Your hands are like ice."

"Maybe it's me," she suggested. Mike threw up, and I made sure that it was in the bucket. It was.

It was quiet and I thought about what I should say to her when I left. She was broken by the other one, the one who left her. I've spent all this time ignoring it and helping her through it. The first day that she came to see me, I could have asked. But in truth I already knew. The night that the Cullen's left, Sam and his damn _disciples_ had a bon fire. All the superstitious talk about the Cullen's was ridiculous.

She needed to know that I would never be like her _Edward._ I would never leave her, because she needed me more than anyone else right now. As long as she didn't mind the persistence, I'd be here, by her side, every second she needed me.

When we made it to Bella's house, Bella had to drive Mike home in his car, with me following behind so she could make it home. On the way back to Bella's, she kept shuddering, her eyes directed toward the road completely.

My hands started numbing, falling asleep. It felt like my whole body was. I kept shaking my head, hoping that sudden movement would wash the feeling away.

We pulled into Bella's driveway, and I sighed. "I would invite myself in, since we're early. But I think you might be right about the fever. I'm starting to feel a little…strange."

"Oh no, not you, too!" she gasped. "Do you want me to drive you home?"

"No, I don't feel sick yet. Just…wrong. If I have to, I'll pull over," I replied. I probably just needed to sleep it off.

"Will you call me as soon as you get in?" she asked, anxiously. I rolled my eyes.

"Sure, sure." She opened her door, falling out, but I grabbed her wrist. I needed her to know.

"What is it, Jake?" she sounded worried, anxious. I sighed.

"There's something I want to tell you, Bella…but I think it's going to sound kind of corny."

This time, she sighed. "Go ahead." I waited for a second, preparing myself. I wasn't sure exactly what to say, so I just went with it.

"It's just that, I know how you're unhappy a lot. And, maybe it doesn't help anything, but I wanted you to know that I'm always here. I won't ever let you down-- I promise that you can always count on me." I went through the words in my head. "Wow, that does sound corny. But you know that, right? That I would never, ever hurt you?"

"Yeah, Jake. I know that. And I already do count on you, probably more than you know." I couldn't help it. The grin that filled my face.

All the sudden, my stomach started spinning. But not in the way that I was sick, or queasy. It felt different. Like something inside me was changing completely. "I really think I'd better go home now," I said. She nodded, stepping out.

I heard her yell something as I pulled out, starting down her street, but instead I heard a ringing. I shook it off, focusing on the road.

Pulling into our driveway was easy. Walking--not so much. My legs still felt like they were asleep and I could barely make it to the steps, let alone up them. I grabbed hold of the railing, to prop myself up. My legs couldn't take me any farther.

"Hey kid, how'd it go?" Billy asked as he wheeled himself out and onto the porch. I shrugged, not much to answer. He examined me more closely, his eyebrows furrowing together.

"You look weird," he commented.

That's all it took, one thing. One stupid thing for me to go off.

My hands were the first to start shaking. My breath was getting heavier and Billy started backing up in his wheelchair, wheeling away from me.

"Jacob, calm down," Billy said. It was the first time that I'd heard him actually sound in the slightest bit worried about me and I couldn't even listen to him.

All that I felt around me was fury. It was like a shot of fire bolted through me, all I could see was red. My breathing grew heavier and my entire body was rolling with tremors. It felt like I was twitching and I could hardly hear Billy's voice anymore, it was so distant, so far away.

I heard a rip and I felt the fire ware down, but not exactly disappear. I was panting, not sure of what was going on. I felt bigger somehow, larger.

_Jacob? _I heard the voice in my head. What the hell? Sam? _Run Jacob, go into the forest. I'll see you there._

I didn't understand, but I obeyed. There was something about his voice, so paternal, so orderly. I couldn't refuse it.

THE END (of chapter one)

AN: I spent 3 days on this. I'm actually not at all sure where I'm going with it. Whether it will be the series in Jacob's POV or just the first few chapter, I'm not really positive. I'll keep you posted.

Please review (It's that button that says REVIEW)..[:


	2. Stupid Legends That Ended Up Being True

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

All Those Stupid Legends That Ended Up Being True

Running was easy. Fast. Natural. It felt like I had four legs, as fast as I was. Wondering why I was doing it: that was the hard part.

I stopped abruptly when I heard a wolf's cry. A howl. I turned toward the noise, bolting in that direction. Still, I couldn't begin to understand why. Shouldn't wolves repel people? Not attract them.

Suddenly I heard more voices. Familiar voices.

_What's up? _Paul's chilled voice came through my head. It was the first time in months that he actually wasn't shaking with anger.

_Get here. Now! _Sam ordered. I could easily see through Paul's thoughts, he was running too. This was weird. Too weird. I shouldn't be able to hear people's thoughts, or see what they are. It's unnatural.

_I'm in. _Jared slid into the conversation easily. Next thing I knew, images of his girlfriend, Kim, started pouring through my thoughts.

_Ugh. Could you lay off a little dude? It's disgusting, _Paul sneered.

_Only because you aren't getting any, _Jared's voice shot back. Paul growled momentarily. What the hell?

_Both of you, cut it out, _Sam's voice snapped in return.

_It's Jacob, isn't it? _I stopped dead in my tracks. Embry.

_I don't mean to be rude or anything, _I interjected angrily. _But is anyone going to tell me why the hell I can _hear_ you?_

Nothing. I growled lowly.

_Just get here, _Sam said.

My legs picked up faster when I heard his words. I was listening to Sam like my life depended on it. That was unusual.

I could still feel it, the fire. I wasn't angry at my dad any longer, more because nobody would tell me what the hell was going on. I pushed my legs faster…faster…faster…

That's when I saw them. Four enormous…wolves? I skidded to a stop.

I saw it all then. The images ran through Sam's head, the explanations on what was going on. Suddenly, images from all of them were going through my head.

I saw Emily Young, and the three long scars running down her face that she'd gotten from a bear attack a few years before. I saw Embry, Quil, and me a few months back, when it looked like Sam was trying to make sure Paul wouldn't kill us. I saw the permanent scowl on Leah Clearwater's' face. I saw Embry's mom, yelling and angry. All of this was mixed in with Bella's old boyfriend, and the rest of his family.

I didn't understand any of it.

What did all of this have anything to do with me?

_Jacob_, Sam's voice went through my head again. _Look at us. We are werewolves. We aren't normal people. _Paul, Jared and Embry sat on their haunches, not paying much attention anymore.

My mind was blank. I couldn't comprehend any of it. This was too much.

_Think about the old legends that Billy used to tell us, Jake_, Embry encouraged.

All I could think of was the day on First Beach, when Bella sadly attempted to flirt with me. It was so long ago, I could hardly remember it. Except the part where I spilled all of the legends to her--

_What?! _Sam was angry. He was beyond angry, he was furious. I thought back through the day, as much as I could remember. It was the first time that I'd ever seen her. She looked so normal then, before Edward.

A snarl ripped through Sam's chest, along with the other three.

That's when it clicked. Everything in my brain clicked.

Treaty. The Cullen's. Werewolves. Ephraim Black. Levi Uley. Spirit Warriors. Protecting the tribe.

I was here to protect Quileute land. I was here to protect innocent people from one thing.

Vampires.

That's why Billy bribed me to tell Bella to break up with Edward.

That's why a bonfire was held when they left.

_There's still another out there_, Embry thought, trying to be supportive. Paul and Jared were hardly paying any attention, arguing about Kim again. _That's why you changed._

_Is it…? _I left the question broken, the only image of Edward running through my brain that I could remember. The one with him in a tux, dancing with Bella. That made me growl.

_No, all of the _Cullen's_ are gone_, Sam's voice was acid when he thought the name. _It's another one, a black-haired leech, he's a male though. We don't know if he's one of her friends, but we don't think so_.

_I can ask her--_

_No, you can't_, his voice was harsh. Brutal. Orderly.

_Why not? _I growled back.

_Jacob, you already told her too much before. She can't know_, Sam replied. I couldn't escape the growl that came from my chest. It was furious,_ I_ was furious. I couldn't hurt Bella like that, she couldn't go through that pain again.

_You will_ not_ tell her. _Sam's order was harsh, like his face always was.

I saw a flash of something, a flash of Bella. She was on the ground, her cheeks pale, she looked so fragile, in a tight ball.

I didn't have time to ask about it before I felt my knees buckle and fall. I was so close to bowing to him that it scared me almost. Almost.

_Does _Emily_ know? _I snarled to the ground, unable to lift my head. _And _Kim_? _

_That's different, Jacob, _Sam challenged. Every time Sam spoke, the fire in me grew more and more.

_You're damn right it's--_

_Jared, shut up. He doesn't know. _Sam sat in front of me, and my head lifted slowly. _Emily and Kim know because they're our imprints. _

Paul gagged loudly, not even trying to hide it.

_Imprinting is almost like, _he struggled for his words. _Earth moving. Like you're only tied to that one person, she's the only thing keeping you on the ground. Without her, there would be no gravity. _I tried seeing it through his perspective, the way he looked at Emily. _With imprinting, you can tell her all about it. It's this strong connection, kind of, that always brings you together._

Sam showed me Leah's angry face, and Emily's scarred one. The image was almost clouded with Leah, gone. With Emily it was so clear, I could see her normally. I could hardly see Leah at all. He showed me the way he looked at Kim, cloudy.

The way Jared saw Kim though, was as clear as Sam to Emily. It was like any other girl was faulty.

_We can't help who we imprint, and you imprint the first time you see her in your human form. I know, it's weird. _

Leah's face flickered through Sam's thoughts again.

_That's why you dumped her? _I asked. Sam winced at the usage of words.

_Yes._

I groaned. It sounded disgusting. Horrible. Repulsive.

_It is, _Paul agreed. _You never get used to seeing dirty images of your friends' girlfriends. It's really creepy. _

That wasn't the kind of disgusting that I meant. I meant, to have your soul mate chosen for you, that was disgusting. To have to hurt somebody so much to where they're constantly scowling, that was horrible. The dirty images though, that was repulsive.

_What're the patrol changes? _Jared asked. Pictures of Kim filled my mind once more. Ugh. What was it with him? _We were supposed to go out tonight. _I didn't have to be a genius to know that this was pointed towards me.

_Jacob and Embry can patrol tonight, we'll figure things out later_, Sam's tone wasn't harsh any more.

Even in his wolf form, you could see Jared's condescending grin. He stood, nodding, and took off running. Back to Kim, pictures of her everywhere.

Paul rolled his eyes, and followed Jared. It was suddenly too quiet as their thoughts escaped my head, one right after another.

I sat in silence. Glaring. I was supposed to call Bella. She would be worried.

Sam's eyes flashed to me. _Jacob, _he thought sternly. _You can't call her, you can't talk to her. It puts us, our families, and everybody around you in danger. Especially _her_. _

I continued to glare.

_Patrols are easy, we'll talk more in the morning. You're on 'till five, that good? _He asked only Embry.

Embry shrugged. _Yeah, sounds good. _

_Bring Jacob to Emily's after patrols._ Sam turned to me. _You'll be really tired at first but you get used to it. _Sam nodded at us, and took off running in a completely different direction from Jared and Paul.

_Embry? Talk to him_, they were the last words Sam thought before he was gone from my head.

I felt frozen. As soon as Sam's thoughts were gone, it all kicked in.

I was a werewolf? It was all true?

_I know dude, it's surreal,_ Embry thought.

_Why couldn't I stand up to Sam? I could have otherwise, why not now? It doesn't make sense. None of it does._

_He's Alpha. I guess it would make more sense if you were Alpha, considering Ephraim Black was the last Alpha. _I winced.

_I don't want to be Alpha._

Embry's wolf-self grinned. _Called it._

_I don't want to be this. I don't want to be a monster._

Embry's wolf form was sad, pained. _Awe Jake, S'not so bad. I mean, yeah, you're real tired at first. You'll probably fall asleep in class once you go back. But other than that it's okay. And Emily's cooking is_ killer_! You'll be starved after patrol, at least the rest of us always are._

He was silent as I went through it all in my head. Over and over, again and again.

_What's wrong with Bella knowing? If she already knows about the vampires, then why can't she know this?_

_It's a danger to the tribe, to the pack, if she would know, _he sighed mentally. _And it's dangerous for her. _

_Yeah, Sam said that earlier, but I don't understand. How is it dangerous for her?_

Embry thoughts wandered to Emily's scarred face. I was lost in confusion. _You can't always control it, when you phase. If you get angry enough, then you could really hurt the people you're around. _I saw a whole new side to Sam and Emily then.

_The way Sam looks at Emily then, that's why. He looks so sad because he… _My thoughts trailed off. He knew exactly what I meant.

_Yup._

I thought about Billy. That's why he was backing away from me. He knew.

_Yup, _he sighed again.

_Did everybody know, and just not decide to tell me? _I growled.

_That's what I thought, man, but not everybody knew. Quil doesn't know. This is our pack, we're surprised it's even gotten this big. Usually it's only two or three people. Five is a lot. _

_So lemme guess, _I thought sarcastically. _Billy couldn't tell me, right?_

_Right._

_And you're mom couldn't tell you, right? _

He hesitated with this one. _My mom doesn't know, _he replied.

_Then how…? _That was why his mom, angry and yelling, was mixed into all of the images earlier.

_Yeah, she thinks I'm sneaking out to be stupid and do drugs or something every night._ He tried to joke about it, but you could tell that it killed him to hurt her. He'd always been a total momma's boy, and hurting her was always out of the question. I think mostly it was because his father was never there, never in the picture.

Embry let something leak through, something he'd been hiding. Something that had to do with my thoughts.

_What do you mean "Wolf Gene"? _I asked. He hesitated again.

_My mom doesn't have the wolf gene in her. We're all pretty sure that girl's can't carry the gene. _That seemed kind of sexist to me. Embry's enormous head nodded. _So really, my dad either has to be Sam's dad, Quil's dad, or…_

No.

_We all pretty much think that it was Sam's dad though_, he reassured me. I relaxed a little. _Since Sam's dad was never in the picture, it makes a lot of sense. I mean, that could explain things more for the both of us. Neither of our dad's were there._

It was quiet again, I thought about Emily, and then I saw Bella mixed in, scars on her face. Both of us cringed.

Maybe it _was_ for the best.

_We should probably start up patrol, _Embry suggested. _All we really do is run around the border line of the La Push, where the treaty ends, and make sure no blood suckers are crossing our land. _He glanced at me. _And we've got Forks now too, since the Cullen's left. We don't patrol there, only Sam does. _

_If you find hint of a leech, say something to me. I'll have to howl or something, it gives a reason for Sam to come and check up. Then he'll give his Alpha whatever howl, and that get Paul and Jared here._

I gained balance and turned to him. _Okay, _I agreed.

_I'll run along the east perimeter of the border. You can take west, 'kay? _

_Okay, _I thought, taking off in the direction of the west.

All I could think of was Bella. I made her a promise tonight. Something that I couldn't keep. She'd already been hurt once, why're they making it happen again? Why did I have to make it happen again? Edward left her, alone and she was horrible. My mind wandered off, to the first day she came back.

She was a complete mess, it looked like she was holding herself together all of the time. After this, she'll just go straight back to Zombie Bella. I knew that I sounded conceded, but it was true. Charlie saw it, and Billy, hell, even she could see it. Her flush came back and she was holding herself together more carefully. With this, it would all just go down the drain.

_It won't be so bad, Jake, _Embry soothed.

_You didn't see her constantly, man. It will be bad. I can't just _not_ tell her._

_You're going to have to _not_ tell her, Jake. _Embry tried to reason with me. _Sam gave an injunction. It's impossible to go against it. _

I could see the trees going past in blurs through his eyes.

_Right. Because he's the damn Alpha._

_Sorry. _I shrugged, even though he couldn't see me.

_Not your fault._

.....

I never exactly realized how long nine and a half hours was. It was _very long_.

I was still running when someone's thoughts, other than Embry's, bombarded my head. I saw Kim, and I knew it was Jared.

_Morning_, he thought sleepily.

_Is Kim _all_ you think about? _I groaned, stifling a yawn.

_Pretty much_, Embry answered. Paul clocked in before Jared could think up a smart ass response.

_All here? _he paused for a second. _Cool. The youngsters are out. _Embry snarled.

_Oh shit, _Embry thought. _Jake doesn't have any clothes. _

_Take mine. _Paul was being nice to me. This was different. _Don't get used to it_.

He started running faster and he found me in a matter of a few seconds. He had a piece of tan fabric in his teeth, chucking them at me. _There's some shorts._

_Thanks. _I dropped them in front of me before realizing something. _How the hell do I change back?_

The whole wolf thing was really starting to irritate me.

_It's gonna sound crazy, _Jared sighed. _But really just focus real hard on becoming human. At the same time though, you have to think of your happiest human thought, your happiest human memory. It becomes natural when you do it a bunch, then you won't really have to think about it. But for the first few weeks, you will. _

One thing came to mind. Today at the movies with Bella. She said she liked me best.

_That's not enough, man. _I heard Paul, he must have sifted through the memory as I thought about it.

_And run with me, to the border off Emily's house before you try. It's easier to find in your wolf form, and it's faster to run. _Embry thought of Sam's orders last night. I'd forgotten.

I watched in my head, where he was going. I snatched the shorts up in my teeth and followed him, smelling out Sam's scent. It was strange how familiar it had been.

We both met up at the same place, on the border of Emily's. He sat on his haunches, a wolf grin spreading across his muzzle.

_What? _I asked, he was staring at me expectantly. I dropped the shorts down in front of me.

_I'm gonna wait for you to phase, so I can talk you through it if needed. _

_Okay, so I just think of something really happy? _Embry nodded. I started thinking of every moment I'd had with Bella, then I started going back in years. To when I got my first part to the car, and to my eighth birthday party. My first kiss. I winced. Slowly but surly, my thoughts wandered back to my mom.

She loved making me Peanut Butter and Banana sandwiches. It was the most vivid memory I'd had of her, before she died. Rebecca and Rachel had been older, they could remember more.

_Think about the sandwiches, _Jared suggested. _At the same time of being human. I mean, overall you're pretty calm, so that should be a problem. _

Anything to get them out of my head.

I thought about Bella, and the last day my mom ever made me those sandwiches. I thought about how happy my dad was with her, how incredibly in love they were. I felt my body tremor again, but not in the same way as it had before. This wasn't an angry tremor, it was a happy one. A _free_ one.

I listened carefully, and all of thoughts were out of my head, except mine. The last thought I had was of the picture in the living room, the one of my mom and dad.

I quickly noticed how incredibly naked I was, and I pulled the shorts on. They were small.

I looked up to notice Embry, in his wolf form, gaping at me.

"What?" I said, irritated.

He shifted quickly, and untied something on his ankle. Shorts. I looked away as he yanked them on.

"Wow," he admired.

"What?" I asked, fiercer this time.

"It usually takes thousands of tries before you get it right. It took you _one_," he was staring at me like I was some kind of a God.

"Whatever," I rolled my eyes. He was being ridiculous.

"Come on, I can smell Emily's cooking." It wasn't until he said it that I could smell it. Pancakes and Bacon were the most dominant.

The front door was open when we stopped at the porch. Sam was sitting on the steps, waiting for us.

"That was quick," he said to Embry, narrowing his eyes.

"Dude," Embry bellowed. "Jake's got it down. He's a natural at phasing!" Sam's eyebrows raised.

"Really? What memory did you think about?" he asked me.

"My mom," I sighed. "And Bella."

Sam's not-so-harsh-anymore face smiled, "That's good. At least now you know you've got a certain memory to think of. Mine changed all the time."

I nodded stiffly.

"Come on in," I heard a much softer voice say. Must be Emily. "It's all ready."

Sam inhaled loudly, standing up and opening the screen door. Embry followed him, and I went in last. Embry sat down instantly, and dug into the pancakes. Sam walked over, kissing Emily on the cheek. She blushed shyly. I stood at the door, somewhat in a corner.

"Good morning Jacob," she grinned. "Come on and help yourself, I'm used to this."

I could tell it in her voice, she was. I sat down next to Embry and Emily laid an empty plate out in front of me. I sat for a second, staring at the plate.

"You have to be hungry," Embry said, a piece of pancake plopping out of his mouth and back on his plate.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Emily scolded. She sounded like a mom, and for a second I could see it. She had to keep them all in tact, make sure they didn't break her house. She probably _had_ to be a mom, to stay sane.

Knowing all of this information, I still couldn't believe. Seeing Emily's scars as her and Sam shared a private moment in the corner. I didn't see how anybody could be sane after this.

I knew I was coming pretty close to screaming myself.

_AN:I pretty much rewrote this chapter like ten times. I hope you like it. Please review, tell me how your doing. The encouragement is amazing. [: _


End file.
